3 Mitzvah Planning Tips to Help Stay in the Moment

We believe that every moment matters, especially the smallest moments we share with the ones we love. But sometimes, when you are celebrating a major milestone, it can feel like you are so busy making sure everything is perfect - and perfectly documented - that you end up missing out on those small, special moments that you can’t get back.

Working with bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah moms and dads inspired us to put together this list of three tips to help you stay in the moment during your mitzvah planning stages.

Check in with Your Mitzvah Kid

It can be easier to roll through the checklist, intent on getting everything accomplished as quickly as possible. Isn’t that what parenthood usually feels like??

When it comes to the Mitzvah Planning Phase, make sure you build in quick check-ins with your child (even if you have to put that down on a list). Ask what matters most to them at that day. Ask what they really want the guest list to look like. Ask if there are must-dos and rather-not-dos for how they want to celebrate.

Take another step and ask your child how the preparation is going. Ask what the mitzvah service project experience is like - why have they chosen to help their community in the way that they have. Do they see themselves continuing this kind of work into their teenage years, or even into adulthood?

Conversations like these help to re-center you and your child. And they give you the energy and excitement to continue to get all those other things off your list as you prep for the big day.

Talk About the Mitzvah Montage or Movie

Take some time to go through your photos with your child. There may be some in your collection that are extra meaningful to them, that you otherwise would have disregarded. Remember, it’s not about capturing the most beautiful moments, it’s about sharing the moments that have brought you and your child the most joy, or growth, or love.

Looking through photos and talking about memories is a wonderful way to connect with your kids, especially at a time of transition in their lives. We are always amazed at the insights and ideas that kids share when we create our documentary-style films for our Mitzvah Movies and Signature Portrait Videos. Often, it comes down to asking the most simple questions, then giving them the space to respond and share.

Share Your Own Experiences

Planning your child’s bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah naturally brings up memories of your own. Share these stories with your child.

Sit down at dinner, or take a quick trip to a coffee shop and spend a little time telling your son or daughter what they experience was like for you. Did you enjoy it? Did you feel like your mother was making all the decisions and leaving you out of the planning process? Were you worried about who from your class wouldn’t come, or whether it would feel weird to have all of your friends in the same room as all of your relatives?

Times may have changed - we may not have had mitzvah logos or photo booths - but the feeling of being a middle school-aged kid and being the center of attention in a major way, transcends time. Reach back to your own real memories - good and not-so-good - and share them with your child. It will help you to connect with them. It will alleviate some of the stresses they may be feeling (knowing you’re not alone goes a long way, especially at this age).

And it will help you have the strength and peace of mind to continue mitzvah planning in the way that is right for your kid and your family.

A Grateful Celebration!

If you follow Portraits that Move, you know that we practice gratitude every day, for every moment. We are truly grateful for the work we get to do, the families we meet, and the stories we help them share.

That’s why we have been overflowing with gratitude since we returned from our trip to Mitzvah Market’s Celebrate Showcase in Long Island. We got to know some wonderful families, we had the chance to share Mitzvah Montages and Movies, to talk about what we do for Mitzvah families that is different from what they have seen and more powerful than they expected. We also had the opportunity to chat with other creative, hardworking people who commit to giving Bar and Bat Mitzvah families and their guests’ truly amazing experiences.

Thank you to everyone who talked with us and shared ideas and dreams for their events. And a heartfelt thank you to all of the energetic, helpful folks from Mitzvah Market who made the event possible.

If you didn’t make it out to the Showcase, take a look at some of our highlights.

If you are ready to schedule your Mitzvah Movie or Montage, get in touch now. Things are getting busy and we want to get started right away!

How to Create a Tween Approved Mitzvah Movie

When we create Mitzvah Montages and Movies we are are doing more than creating a montage or movie that guests will enjoy and remember. We are documenting a transforming, exciting, and not entirely easy time in the life of an almost-teenager.

This is one reason why we consider it such an honor to create Mitzvah Movies and Montages. It is also why we pay special attention to communicate directly with the mitzvah child and to make sure that their voice is heard and that they are comfortable with every step of the process. And proud of the final result.

Understand Their Expectations

This is a busy time for our kids. They are at an age when they have very specific expectations, and meeting those expectations feels especially important. They are attending their friends’ bar and bat mitzvahs, they’re spotting trends and coming up with their own ideas.

All of this means that our bar and bat mitzvah kids are in that delicate space where the desire to fit in and the desire to stand out feel equally strong. When we create montages and movies, we jump right into this space. So we take extra time to hear what our young clients want. We work together with them to understand their expectations and to create a film that makes them feel comfortable, confident, and excited to share.

Let Them Make Decisions

Before you connect with our Portraits that Move filmmakers, we recommend that you sit down and talk with your daughter or son about their own ideas for their mitzvah film. Ask them what moments stand out to them, what they most want to celebrate.

And most importantly, ask them what they do - and do not - want to share.

Yes, this can lead to some feelings of tension, when your creative vision or your expectations as a parent feel like they clash with those of your child. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so helpful to have us on board. We are pros at navigating these waters, and at helping kids to shine through as their own authentic selves with clarity and confidence.

Focus on the Experience

Make the Mitzvah Movie and Montage creation process a memorable part of the overall experience. Take some extra time (as busy as you are during the planning phase!) to walk down memory lane. As you look through photos together, share stories about the moments those photos capture.

Use this preparation time to connect with your child on a deeper and more mature level. Share some real stories about those moments - about how you felt at the time, about what these memories mean to you now that time has passed and you are at such a significant moment in your child’s life - and your family’s.

Be honest. If you come across photos that make you feel not-so-great about how you looked, or if you see those photos now and remember feeling bad about yourself in the moment, but more grateful now to have that moment in time preserved, tell your child. Going through photos may make your tween feel self conscious about how they look now or how they looked when they were younger. Knowing that you have shared those struggles, but that you are able to focus on the what really matters (your family, yourself, your connections to each other) will go a long way in improving your child’s self esteem now and into the teenage years.

Encourage Self Expression

Your child wants to tell - and should tell - their story. Listen to what they want to say and how they want to say it. Give them the space to express themselves and celebrate themselves in their Mitzvah Movie or Mitzvah Montage. In so doing, you will have not only the perfect thing to show at your celebration, you will have a treasured time capsule of this complicated, beautiful, authentic moment in your child’s story.