How to Create a Tween Approved Mitzvah Movie

When we create Mitzvah Montages and Movies we are are doing more than creating a montage or movie that guests will enjoy and remember. We are documenting a transforming, exciting, and not entirely easy time in the life of an almost-teenager.

This is one reason why we consider it such an honor to create Mitzvah Movies and Montages. It is also why we pay special attention to communicate directly with the mitzvah child and to make sure that their voice is heard and that they are comfortable with every step of the process. And proud of the final result.

Understand Their Expectations

This is a busy time for our kids. They are at an age when they have very specific expectations, and meeting those expectations feels especially important. They are attending their friends’ bar and bat mitzvahs, they’re spotting trends and coming up with their own ideas.

All of this means that our bar and bat mitzvah kids are in that delicate space where the desire to fit in and the desire to stand out feel equally strong. When we create montages and movies, we jump right into this space. So we take extra time to hear what our young clients want. We work together with them to understand their expectations and to create a film that makes them feel comfortable, confident, and excited to share.

Let Them Make Decisions

Before you connect with our Portraits that Move filmmakers, we recommend that you sit down and talk with your daughter or son about their own ideas for their mitzvah film. Ask them what moments stand out to them, what they most want to celebrate.

And most importantly, ask them what they do - and do not - want to share.

Yes, this can lead to some feelings of tension, when your creative vision or your expectations as a parent feel like they clash with those of your child. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so helpful to have us on board. We are pros at navigating these waters, and at helping kids to shine through as their own authentic selves with clarity and confidence.

Focus on the Experience

Make the Mitzvah Movie and Montage creation process a memorable part of the overall experience. Take some extra time (as busy as you are during the planning phase!) to walk down memory lane. As you look through photos together, share stories about the moments those photos capture.

Use this preparation time to connect with your child on a deeper and more mature level. Share some real stories about those moments - about how you felt at the time, about what these memories mean to you now that time has passed and you are at such a significant moment in your child’s life - and your family’s.

Be honest. If you come across photos that make you feel not-so-great about how you looked, or if you see those photos now and remember feeling bad about yourself in the moment, but more grateful now to have that moment in time preserved, tell your child. Going through photos may make your tween feel self conscious about how they look now or how they looked when they were younger. Knowing that you have shared those struggles, but that you are able to focus on the what really matters (your family, yourself, your connections to each other) will go a long way in improving your child’s self esteem now and into the teenage years.

Encourage Self Expression

Your child wants to tell - and should tell - their story. Listen to what they want to say and how they want to say it. Give them the space to express themselves and celebrate themselves in their Mitzvah Movie or Mitzvah Montage. In so doing, you will have not only the perfect thing to show at your celebration, you will have a treasured time capsule of this complicated, beautiful, authentic moment in your child’s story.

4 Self Care Tips for Bar Mitzvah Planning Moms

Bar Mitzvah planning is a hectic, often overwhelming process. You are likely to find yourself second guessing, worrying over details large and small, and wondering if you are doing enough to support and celebrate your child. Basically, it's a microcosm of parenting.

There are so many decisions to be made, from the Bar/Bat Mitzvah planner to the venue, to the theme, to the Bar Mitzvah montage video, to the guest lists and seating charts. It is a recipe for stress, especially for already busy moms.

Original Photo by Lonely Planet on Unsplash

Work with a Planner and Delegate

Do not attempt this on your own! Hire a Bar Mitzvah planner that you trust, who understands what you want, from the vibe to the budget. When you hire a planner, you are bringing in an expert who will connect you with Bar Mitzvah vendors that save you the stress of feeling like you have to reinvent the wheel, or manage the entire world.

Here’s the catch, though, and it is essential to self care: delegate. Let your planner do what he/she does best and do not stress over whether or not they will do what they say. If you hired the right person, they truly understand what is at stake, and they will not let you down. After all, their business, and their reputation, are on the line.

Delegate to your family, too. Involve your child, who will no doubt have ideas of his/her own. But be sure to come to them with calmness and with appropriate sized jobs and reasonable expectations, otherwise you compound the stress for both of you. Use the planning (and delegating!) process as time to talk with your son or daughter about the experience, and to encourage self care - for both of you – as you prepare.

Be Confident in Your Decisions

Once you make a decision, whether it is about the venue, the Bat Mitzvah dress, or who to invite (or not invite), check it off the list and move on. Nothing is more exhausting (and less productive) than second guessing yourself. Now is not the time to add more exhaustion to your days and nights - you will be busy enough moving on to the next Bar/Bat Mitzvah planning details.

We have seen too many parents about to crumble when they are picking images for the Bar Mitzvah montage portion of our videos. As a parent in the midst of this process, if you don’t take time to slow down and practice a little self care, suddenly, you can’t make a single decision without fearing that it is the wrong one. Remember the advice you got when you brought home the little baby that’s now not so little and nowhere near a baby: you will know what’s best.

You know what’s right for you and for your family. You know the moments that matter most to you and to each other. Those are the moments you want to include in your video, those are the moments that have led to this one. Be confident in all the right decisions that you have made and are making. They are what brought you and your child to this point, and they are what you are celebrating.

Check in with Friends

Way back when you were a new mom, you met a group of friends that were your safe space to ask questions about diaper blowouts and how many times to check on the baby once he finally fell asleep. Guess what? Those same moms are going through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah planning process, too. Rally your group of moms, whether you have been in touch on a daily basis or not. Meet for a drink, have a few laughs, and talk about the ups and downs of this process in a way that only other moms going through it will understand.

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Listen to their recommendations about DJs and party supplies, but also ask them the questions you can’t ask anyone else. How am I really going to feel? What happened to my baby? What can we do to support each other from the party details to the new reality of parenting older kids? Just as you supported each other in your early days as moms, you will see the value of supporting each other now – of being heard and understood by people who really get it. There is no substitute for the energy we get from other supportive moms. It’s the perfect way to restore our sense of balance at this time (just be sure this is a circle you trust – we’re talking about collaboration, not competition!).

Step Away and Spend Time with your Child

Let this be your mantra: "this is about my child." Do not lose sight of the reason you are doing all of this Bar/Bat Mitzah planning. This is a time to celebrate your child, and there is no better way to do that than to spend a bit of time with them. Listen to what your son has to say, not just about his Bar Mitzvah theme ideas, but about what the preparation process feels like for him. How is he growing and changing? Does he have any fears about the day? Ask your daughter to show you what she is reading, and how she is preparing. Talk with her about what her Bat Mitzvah experience means, and how it is preparing her for her next steps in life.

These conversations ground us, they restore us. When we take a moment to talk with our children we not only remember what the Bar Mitzvah experience is about. We have the opportunity to practice self care and model that for our children, and we get to move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling excited, and grateful as the day approaches.

- Elizabeth Eames, August 2018

Elizabeth Eames is a professional communicator, a parent, and a member of the Portraits that Move Team.

DIY Craft Stick Conversation Starters for Kids and Tweens

Talking with kids never ceases to amaze - and inspire - our Portraits that Move team.

This weekend, we had the pleasure of participating in the Runnin' Wild Toys Pop Up Book Fair on Court Street in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn.

In addition to chatting with neighbors and friends about Portraits that Move and our work making moving portraits, snapshot films and our new video alternative to holiday cards, we set up a fun activity for kids.  And as we so often find, it was just as much fun for us as it was for them.

Here is a quick rundown of our activity and some tips for making your own DIY conversation starters for kids and tweens...

DIY Popsicle Stick Conversation Starters for Kids and Tweens
What you need:
2 mason jars
1 pack of large craft sticks
markers (we chose brightly colored and metallic Sharpies to make it extra fun)
a list of creative questions for kids

How to play:
Write one conversation starter question on each craft stick and fill one mason jar.

Invite your kids to pull out a craft stick and read and answer the question.  Place that stick in the other mason jar and continue the game.

This fun activity engages kids, helps them overcome shyness, and encourages them to share their ideas and their experiences in a way that makes everyone smile.  It worked so well for us at the Book Fair and would surely be a fun addition to classroom activities, team activities and around the table during dinner or over the holidays.

Tip: Get the kids to help come up with some of the questions.  They will feel proud to hear others read and answer their questions and you will get more insight into what they like to talk about.

Sample Questions

If I could fly, I would…

When I hear music, I…

If I could be a book character I would be...

What I love most about my home is...

I am most proud of….

The hardest thing I ever learned how to do was…

The superpower that I have is….

Who is your best friend and why?

Share Your Stories with Us
Join us on facebook and share your photos, questions, answers and video clips!  We would love to hear about all the fun you have creating conversations with your kids.